I want to offer a tribute to the beautiful women I wish I could live without—the sitters. For almost exactly two years now, I have shared my daughter with ladies who have held her, diapered her, fed her, watched her, cleaned up after her, enjoyed her, and loved her for just as much time as I get to do those things. And all these ladies have accomplished this while continuing to carry on their own lives with their own loved ones.
I never considered “professional” daycare for my little monkey. There was no way on earth I was going to drop my baby off at a strange place to become one of many kids cared for under systems and rules and business standards. I wanted someone who would love Nia as I loved her and would welcome her into a family.
I told one of our sitters once that I believed it’s better for Nia to spend time in a functioning home with multiple family members than to stay home full time with me while I try to earn money. I would of course prefer to have my own complete family and be able to be a stay-at-home mom myself, but in my present situation, I believe each of the sitters Nia has “lived” with has added a strength to her life that I myself cannot provide.
On a side note, it is interesting to me that in each of my daughter’s second homes, she has been the youngest child, while in my home she is obviously the only child. I am curious to see how her personality develops. Will she exhibit only-child traits or youngest-child traits most predominately? It will be fascinating to observe how the two combine in who she becomes.
Six weeks old through eight weeks old: Brenda
Brenda was the monkey’s first sitter. At the time, Nia was often dissatisfied and a poor sleeper. She spent a lot of time crying and insisting on being held, so I (and Brenda, too, I think) was a little apprehensive about how such a demanding baby would fit into Brenda’s already full life with four children of her own. It turns out that Brenda is a miracle worker. Nia apparently slept for hours on end for her, and the resident children loved her and accepted her as one of themselves. Her first experience of a father was in Brenda’s home. It was hard to leave my tiny little bundle every day, but I couldn’t have asked for better hands in which to do so.
Eight weeks old through nine months old: Amber
(credit to Amber’s brother Chase for the photo)
Amber and I found each other through Brenda’s advertisement on my behalf to her local homeschool group. Amber is the second oldest of seven children, and when I met her, her parents, and her siblings, I knew immediately that this was a home in which I would be glad to place my baby. Amber and her entire family adopted my little monkey with delight and never caused more than two seconds of worry. They selflessly cared for Nia as their own; she even got a kiss from dad when he came home, just like the rest of the tribe. In fact, I feel that the daddy-love in that home provided some sort of foundational security that my fatherless daughter would never have had otherwise, and for this I am deeply thankful. Amber’s family often went beyond the call of duty, giving us boxes and boxes of baby and youngster clothing, goodies fresh from the oven, a Christmas tree, books, remedies for stomach problems, and prayers. When I moved back to Virginia, I knew I would never again find a second family for Nia like Amber’s.
Nine months old through the present: Wendy and Rachel
(I unfortunately don’t have a picture of Wendy herself with Nia,
so I’ve used a photo she took of her oldest son hosting story time.)
Wendy is a single mother with two sons of her own. The boys agreed to see what it would be like to have a baby girl in their home, and for the past fourteen months they have made Nia a part of their family, letting her share in everything from homeschooling to vet visits to day trips. Nia has fallen in love with the two boys, and she understandably sometimes calls Wendy “Mama.” Wendy has invested much mother-love into my child, dealing with issues like tantrums and food and dogs and tearful mornings and tearful evenings and constipation and nap times. Toys travel back and forth between our two houses, and if for some reason there are more than a couple days between visits, Nia soon begs to go back (right now Wendy and her boys have been away on travels for over a week, and Nia is missing them terribly). Wendy has managed to do what I can never seem to—maintain the responsibilities of her normal life and get everything done with a toddler around—and for that she will always have my admiration. She is a true and present mother to her sons, and I am grateful for such a safe and nurturing place for my daughter to grow.
Rachel
(I alas don’t have a picture of Rachel, either,
so I’ve used a photo of Nia taken by Rachel, showing Nia’s delight)
My cousin Rachel is a wonder with children. Everyone who knows her knows this. Children automatically adore her, and she loves them with a patience and attention to be envied by all. Rachel has watched Nia for at least a day or two a week since we moved to Virginia, in spite of having to go out of her way to do so. She often fills in extra days when Wendy isn’t available, and even occasionally on weekends. Nia loves her dearly, and once again I am profoundly grateful for such safe and rich care for my baby. Rachel watches Nia at my home, which means I get a little more time on her days before leaving for work to prepare for the day and cuddle my baby, who I have learned likes to wake up slowly, lie in bed awhile, and then snuggle with Mama instead of hurrying into clothes and breakfast.
And then there are a list of others who have filled in temporarily along the way—Danielle, Cynthia, Carolyn, Sarah, Juanita, Mary, Robyn, Lynette, Susan, my grandmother—and of course my own dear mother, who graciously allows her grandchildren to disrupt her evening and weekend plans, and who pours so much love and attention into them that she is a firmly fixed and necessary pillar of their lives. Nia loves her grandma deeply, ever since they first became acquainted in Nia’s first week of life.
All of Nia’s sitters are extremely underpaid, all of them are amazing, and all of them have given so much more of themselves than required. It can sometimes be tricky sharing a child, and I often find myself struggling with balancing friendship and “business,” which means that every single one of these women (and their families) has likely not been thanked enough. I will always be grateful for each one’s investment in my daughter’s life.
Thank you, ladies! I believe that Nia has had a richer and stronger start to life because of each of you.
